Narcissism v Nurture

Finding the self care balance with Jan Morgan, Life Coach at Shine N16.

SH Health Bicycle wheelIt’s interesting that everyone expects maintenance and after care (nurture) on something mechanical.  The more valuable the item, the higher the frequency.  Compare a bike versus a Boeing 777X.

So why is it we query investing in our maintenance and ability to be finely tuned, when we have several operating systems (mind, heart, gut for example)?

Where do the boundaries between self-absorption (narcissist), self-centred, selfish, self-focussed, self-aware and selfless lie? Are you conditioned to put other people before your needs and wants? Or do you only see the world from your point of view?SH Life Coach Journal

What is a healthy balance? Too much emphasis on you at the expense of other people? However, this idea presumes that thinking and learning is a finite resource. For most people, finding a better way to do something generates lots of other possibilities. Can you make your “cake” bigger by being more resourceful, collaborating, making better decisions? Listening to your head, heart and gut feelings?

If you are on a plane, you are told to put your oxygen mask on first- how can you help others less able if you can’t breathe? What could be your metaphorical oxygen mask?

Self-care (nurture) isn’t selfish.

If your car is being serviced, it is more than checking SH Health Marathon Runnershow the mechanics work, it is about making sure they function well in the future: changing the oil; replacing worn tyres. Would you expect to be able to run a marathon, or win a sprint without any preparation?

So what is stopping you from noticing where you are, and what can enable you to improve not only what you do, but how you feel?

Do you really lack the time, money, motivation and inspiration to bring balance into your life? to look at “what is” with a fresh lens? You know when you look at something from a different perspective, it is easier to see the solutions which seem obscure or hidden from your current lens.

What can help you feel balanced, being poised, at one with yourself? What is important to you? What enhances you and energises you instead of a being an annoyance, drain or exhausting?

SH Health FriendsHow would you vote to spend your precious time?

  • Enable fun for friends and family?
  • Be able to do your best, even if it isn’t perfect?
  • Set expectations and boundaries and keep to them?

Say yes to mental growth and no to stagnation and weariness.

There is a current radio programme: just one thing – the theme of which is to make a simple change in your life and stick to it.

You can use this idea for self-care, (routine maintenance) and nurture (preparing for a better you, now and in the future)

If you are feeling stuck for the answers to the questions poised earlier, here are some implementable ideas to try over six weeks.

  • Do something physical very briskly for five minutes five times a day for e.g. walking, squats, skipping, stomach crunches, dancing.

    SH Health music

  • Listen to something inspiring while doing chores (peeling vegetables, loading/unloading the dishwasher, hoovering.
    Youtube has lots of ideas for example:
  1. Amy Edmondson
  2. Brené Brown
  3. Magdelena Bak Maier
  4. Kim Scott
  5. John Cleese
  • Enjoy 5 minutes of blasting your favourite music.
  • Give yourself 10 minutes to just be, perhaps savouring a good coffee, or a piece of chocolate. Noticing what is going on around you, the impact it has on you, and what could be done differently?
  • What would happen if you counted to ten before saying something unkind because you were feeling tired and overwhelmed?
  • Give your-self a duvet morning or day when you don’t really want to do anything.  What might emerge from dozing and dreaming?
  • Time box, give yourself a fixed time to complete a task you are avoiding. Feel wonderful afterwards for getting it off your plate.

I learnt that asking for help is a sign of strength – an acknowledgement that at that moment in time I wasn’t resourceful enough or knew where to look for the answers. At the time I was stressed about building work in my house and conversationally asked a colleague what she would do to resolve a work issue. “Have you thought of changing the job role?” This sparked the solution for me.

SH Health Office Team work handsCoaching is more than asking the right question to spark insight. The International Coach Federation (ICF) defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process which inspires them to maximise their personal and professional potential. With the advent of much homeworking, self leadership is a crucial skill. I have enabled many clients to take control of their lives, knowing how to lead themselves.

I started my coaching journey because I realised this aspect of my professional career (HR) was the most rewarding – both for my clients and myself. I had a successful career as a senior HR professional in the public sector including Local authorities, Charities, Housing, Education and Health. This involved leading organisational change and supporting staff through this. To hone my expertise and gain real business knowledge I took an MBA which included creativity and innovation and project management and HR.

SH Health Jan MorganI enable busy managers to overcome overwhelm, and be the leaders they really are, to motivate themselves, deliver projects to time and budget, inspire their staff and practice self-nurture: to achieve Life/Work balance.

I am a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) through the ICF and am a Master Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner. This enables exploring deep issues and beliefs with magical transformative results in improving performance and confidence. I have also trained in an innovative measurable coaching programme- Create My Key which delivers real results to get through motivational obstacles. I am certified as a Mental Fitness Coach and have also studied Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I’m highly intuitive, enabling clients to regain their passion and sense of inner balance.

I left Stoke Newington 6 years ago and now live amidst the vineyard and olive groves of Domaine St Michel near Nyons in Drome Provencal. These perspectives bring new ways of thinking and being. I trained and am used to coaching remotely: over a 1000 hours.

Why not invest in yourself?

Take a look at my website  or Linked in
Contact me on or on What’s App +33609802663.

Jan Morgan    Life Coach